Top 5 Things You'd Do As The Lich King Curse Contest

hmmm lets see  ....

#1 wake up at 7am have a bath eat soem breakefast get changed from the the deathrobes ride the mecha-uber-flying hogg and go to ''work'' by 9 am sort out all the paper work that is needed for global destaction and domination ask all the ''CEO'' for the thay idias for the mass murder like finanacial or just brutal or maybe both 

#2 diced before 12:30 (coze its luch break)after the lanch break send the the command for the ''kill'' so ALL goes and killes em no flafin about dien from 5 noobs and stuff like that nooo if they die they r getting sucked (no more raise form the dead for them)

#3 whach it on a big oled tv (in UBER-HD coze i can) ofc evrey one is dead thall-mal-alis-hord daed reize them to gouls and TAX g heavly 

#4 go home have some tea 

#5 get ready for the next day (in case the plan plan fail ill just sen my army to all citys to create masive lag and they all DC HAHAH) coze and tehn ill expand my dominance in other mmorpg bocoze I CAN hahaha

 

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#1) Purchase a Mechano-Hog. Seriously, I don't know why I don't have one of these already.

#2) Earn all of the Achievements. I mean all of them. Right down to hugging all of critters of Azeroth. The PvP achievements? Easy money. I mean, who doesn't want to be on an Arena team with the Lich King? Can you say 2500 Arena Rating?

#3) Take a tip from the Super Villains play book by using my ridiculous unstoppable powers without hesitation against my foes. No, too easy and boring. Gank newbies in the starting zones. Much better. Take that, level 5 Hunter!

#4) Continue to monologue ominously at would be heroes while developing an overly complex, "fool-proof" method for conquering all before me. Invariably I would include an impregnable fortress and a host of overconfident lackeys that when defeated, reveal my secret plan. Once the heroes confront me, I will tell them (in lengthy detail) my plans of world domination, as well as a way to foil them, because it is "too late". Genius.

#5) If said above plan fails, I can always change my name to Dr. Claw, obtain a pet cat, and pursue some Inspector named "Gadget". I'll get you next time, Gadget....next time...

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Well, first I would throw a party. That doesn't sound all that exciting, but did I mention the party is in STORMWIND AND ORGRIMMAR AT THE SAME TIME?!! And you only get in if you're on WAR BEARS!! Because war bears are COOL and ANGRY!! GRRR. (No Gnomes!!!)

 

Secondly. I'd abolish first aid and healing, because those are GIRLY THINGS!!! I'm Arthas!! I SOLD MY MERCS OUT FOR BURNING DOWN MY OWN SHIPS!!! I'm too cool for healing!! I'M THE LICH KING!!! I NEED NO HEALING!!! I'M TOO STRONG ALREADY!! GRRRRR!!!! (Healing is for Gnomes anyway.)

 

Next, I would KILL ALL THE MURLOCS!!! "Even the babies?!!" I hear you cry!! ESPECIALLY THE BABIES!! Babies are cute and happy!! THE LICH KING DOESN'T DO CUTE!!! Cute is for freaking gnomes and I'M NOT A GNOME!!! GRRRR RAWR!!!! (Stupid Gnomes!!!!)

 

After all that, I'd DESTROY OUTLANDS!!! I'm sick of that stupid gate, and I'm sick of how purple Netherstorm is!!! Everyone knows BLUE BEATS PURPLE!!! Thats why the Consortium are BIG PURPAL SPECTRAL MUMMIES!!! If they came to Azeroth MY COOL BLUENESS WOULD KILL THEM ALL!!!!!! And it will when I BLOW THEM ALL UP!!!! BOOM!!!1 KABLAM!!! (Where are all the blue Gnomes? THATS A RETORICAL QUESTION!! NO GNOMES!!!)

 

And finally, after all the parties, murder and death, I'd go to Naxxramas and TAKE MR. BIGGLESWORTH!!! I'd have him as my own because Kel'Thuzad is A BIG GIRLY GIRL and UNDESERVING OF A CAT THIS EPIC!!!! (Where's the Gnome's epic cat? Thats right, THEY DON'T HAVE ONE!! Thats what they get for hiding out with the Troggs in the third war!!!)

 

Or maybe I'll just go get wasted instead.......wait.......someone took all my beer!!

 

DAMN YOU GNOMES!!!!!


[edited by: Labreya at 6:39 AM (GMT -6) on 16 Apr 2009]

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First and formost, I would review all that has transpired on Azeroth and the Outland while I was busy rebuilding and fortifying the Ice Crown. I'd take special note of how the various races of Azeroth have dealth with the threats of the world, namely Kael'thas, Illidan, and Kil'Jaeden. Learning from their mistakes, and using elementary math to figure out that it is easier to deal with 1 army than 2 or 3, I would devise a plan that would pit the various forces of Azeroth against eachother.

Second, with the Alliance fighting the Horde, the Death Knights fighting eachother, Dalaran trying to keep the peace, and the Dragons busy playing amongst themselves, I would open the gates of Uldar and coax the unmentionable evils out of their slumber to reak havok on Azeroth. This would create yet another distraction for the various forces plotting to Kill me.

Third, I would take a little trip to the Sunwell and raise Kael'thas from the dead and make him a general in my army. His will bent to mine, I would advance my army and make two attacks. A large force to assult the weakest of the Alliance Forces, the Exodar, and kill any last survivors from the crash. And an assult on the weakest of the Horde forces at Thunderbluff by destroying their elevators and using Frost Wyrms to destroy everything trapped on top of thier mountains.

Fourth I would carry out my plans for World Wide domination by raising all the dead as my armies kill and destroy. The war would proceed to take out Darnassus, and converge on Orgrimmar where Thrall would go down easily. Then it would travel overseas and eliminate Stormwind, Ironforge, and Silvermoon Cities.

Fifth, the Undercity would fall and I would finally be able to carry out my life long dream since taking up Frostmourne; to dance upon my Father's Grave every thursday when it's Kariokee night.

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Number One: As my first act, I would communicate to Kel'Thuzad. Command him to bring my four Death Knights, Patchwerk, himself, and Sapphiron to my Citadel. This way he can actually do what he's supposed to do, and that is to bring forth more aide to my defenses. Sapphiron will join the ex-Mate of Malygos, Sindragosa, so that these unworthy fools will have to face the might of the most powerful Dragons in my army. My four most trusted Death Knights will be the first thing these fools will encounter along with the Abomination Patchwerk.

Number Two: Once these gnats have been properly dealt with, I will spread my influence farther. I will use the aide of Kel'Thuzad, and in our combined powers, enslave the Warchief Thrall, by resurrecting Grom Hellscream as one of my own personal champions. The sight of his risen comrade will more than likely make the Warchief crumble long enough for me and the Lich to overcome his defenses, and allow us to use the two most powerful orcs to corrupt the entire force of the Horde.

Number Three: Once the forces of the Horde have been swayed under my Will, their bodies becoming nothing more than my undead servants, just like the Death Knights of Ebon Hold before the Light swayed them. This is when I will bring all of my servants into my Citadel, and cease activity for several years, allowing my minions and Champions to grow stronger, more powerful, while making the rest of the world think I have been destroyed through the words of the Warchief.

Number Four: Once this has been done, my armies will be sent through hidden channels, back to the land of the living, where the Warchief will slay Jaina, Grom will aide him in slaying the dwarf king Magni Bronzebeard. The next to follow will be Human's King. Varian Wrynn, but I will be present this time. I will make sure to see his fear as he lay dying and I give him the choice only few have personally received. Die, slowly, painfully, or be resurrected into a powerful Knight, one that none shall rival, and if should chose to die, I will simply make him into my Death Knight puppet, my plaything, while I make him murder his own family, and his people. I will also come for the demon lords hiding away in that miserable island above the Blood Elves.

Number Five: Once I have controlled the lands, I will attack the Night Elves, steal from them their magics, and their souls. But they will not be last, because I will go after my only nemesis, Illidan Stormrage. I will massacre him and his followers take their souls into Frostmourne, and then use the massive army I've collected now of Death Knights, ghouls, abominations, and my Lich servants to find the Naaru, and either attempt to destroy them, or enslave them. A challenge that is worthy of someone of my power by this point. Pure light, will meet pure darkness! The ultimate finality will be nigh.


[edited by: LichKingladich at 12:06 PM (GMT -6) on 16 Apr 2009]

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Dear Ms. Golden,

 

I write to you to express my distaste in your book’s insistence on making me out to be some kind of bloodthirsty monster.  The bulk what you write about me are rumors spun by the media’s attempt to make a few gold by printing my name mixed in with a bunch of poison.  I would like to set the record straight as to what occurred upon my becoming the Lich King.

 

The famous Plate & Armor Merchant of Dalaran, Griselda Hunderland, sent me her entire Conquest collection to wear (before it even became available to the public), because she knows if I’m seen in the pubs with her gear equipped, everyone else will want what I have, and her business will flourish.  It was, however, reported that I stormed the city with a legion of undead and pillaged and murdered to get what I wanted.  This is simply not true.

 

I suppose I cannot complain too much, because the more you run my name down, the more my price goes up (I have to give props to Brad Paisley for that excellent line, I couldn’t have said it better myself.  Stop laughing, the Lich King is proud to listen to country music!!)  I have several invitations for interviews, and I believe it’s ok to tell you that you will soon see me on the Late Show with Lavid Detterman.  I’d like to take this time to reassure my many subjects who question whether I should be leaving my throne to appear on such a frivolous show by saying that I only have their best interests at heart.

 

My friend Prince Kael’thas Sunstrider, sent me a very special congratulatory gift after my coronation: the Ashes of Al’ar.  Everyone knows it’s the most pimp mount in all of Outland and Azeroth (and no amount of gold can purchase it), so I’m very proud to say I own such a magnificent ride.  The report that we raided Tempest Keep, killed the Prince and jacked the loot is appalling.

 

Being the Lich King definitely has had its perks.  The super hot socialite, Haris Pilton, sent me her “Gigantique” bag (you may think it a little overpriced and antiquated, but there’s an achievement!)  We became friends, and before I knew it she was giving me advice on my new found celebrity (it was actually her idea that I do the Detterman show).  Last night she told me she thought my mount was epic and wanted to take a ride, but I digress...

 

I’m not unlike any other famous person… acquiring the finest threads, the fastest rides, and the hottest women while rubbing elbows with A-List celebrities, but I must ask that you stop telling people that I come by these things dishonestly.  Quite frankly, I’m tired of hiring new body guards to keep the angry mobs from constantly invading my home.  If you insist on continuing to print these ridiculous stories about me, you’ll hear from my lawyer, Connie Jochran (don’t forget I have a special talent for raising the dead).

 

Regards,

Lich King Arthas

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Well given if I had just become the Lich King in Northrend and raised a legion of undead. My first priority to ensure my survival is to establish a strong line of chains of command. Its obvious that my lackies here and there have been failing me miserably with Naxx. being raided so many times so I think I'll rework the internal affairs first. Since I've had apparently stationed many numerous outposts around northrend, another thing I would do is establishing a strong communications line between my minions around so instead of me telepathically controlling and telling each and every individuals (which could be a headache) I would rather have my minions take initiative and get your allies' back if they're being swarmed by hordes/alliances alike. Since my minions can actually die (although I do not understand as to how you can kill something that is already dead), it would be best for me to secure as much graveyards I can around the world of Azeroth; thus not only will I limit the number of heros that will return to oppose me but I will also be replenishing my forces. Another issue is the Death Knights. Given if I could muster enough forces my primary interest is Darion Morgaine. If I can recapture him along with the Ebon Hold entirety, I could issue a false order under his name to recall all the death knights back for an emergency assembly. Unware to the death knights my forces will lay hidden outside around the floating fortress. I will then warp each and everyone of their minds once again under my rule; none shall escape. Once they are under my control again I will relocate them back to Northrend since the Ashbringer is powerful enough to break them from my spell, I wouldn't want that to happen again. The final thing I would do is take the offense. I'll charge the anubs' spiders to all construct an underground labyrinth all around Azeroth. These tunnels would all interconnect and especially passes underneath all the major cities known. While that is happening I'll have my acolytes infiltrate Dalaran. When the time is right, I'll send all my ground forces into labyrinth and emerge into the hearts of all the enemies' major cities when its dark and at the same time my acolytes will cause diversions around the city of Dalaran only to hid the fact that they are there to sabotage the floating mechanisms that keeps the city afloat. Rather sending in all my air units and try to take it by force, I'll wait till the city plunges to the ground when my acolytes have succeeded in their missions and then send my air units to finish off any survivors on the ground. Both allies and horde alike would be scattered all across from the simultaneous attacks made during the cover of night. It'll be a long while before they can reorganize and plot against me by then. I estimate that given if these attacks are successful to some degree, the death counts in the end will benefit me when I raise new fresh soldiers of the damned.

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1. The first thing I would do would be quite simple, since so many heroes have killed so many different great villans, I would either send a Necromancer or myself to ressurect the fallen enemies of Azeroth's past. Imagine an undead Illlidan with his Warglaives now glowing with white and blue flames, Kale'thas back from the dead...again, only this time no goofy jewel sticking out of his chest. My great citadel would be guuared by the now undead Onyxia and Nefarian. Hell while I'm at it, lets go ahead and ressurect old Malygos and Saratharion while we're at it. With these and many other villanious lord of evil (dare I say....Hogger?) serving me, victory would be all but assured.

2. I have multiple factions fighting against me ,the Alliance, Horde, Kirin Tor, Argent Crusade, etc., etc., So how would I deal with assualts on so many fronts? Simple, the enemy of my enemy becomes my ally. Find an odd way to turn the Horde against the Kirin Tor, or the Alliance and the Argent Crusade. When the smoke clears, I might not have gained any willing allies, but that won't stop me from filling my ranks with new (and less lilky to turn rouge) Death Knites and other random Scourage. Then with their forces weakened tremendiously, victory is all but assured.

3. Spread propoganda across Azeroth! Well after Darion took all my Death Knights away, I needed a new way to bolseter my forces. So I create poster with me pointing at the person, and at the bottom saying "Join Me.....or Die!", and another with my head staring at the sky in a pallet of blue, white, and black, and at the bottem it just says "Submit". These would show that I'm just a simple Lich King, wanting simple thing....ok so world domination isn't really simple.

4. Notice how all of my minions are tall? Sure some of my former Death Knites were Gnomes, but take a look at my army now. Nothing says fierce like somthing taller than 2ft! That's why I'll continue to use my my "No Gnomes Allowed" policy. I am also considering augmenting it to include Dwarfes as well, but I'm not sure yet. All former Gnome and Dwarf minions, will be launched from a cannon, or punted whichever is more useful or funnier.

5. Fire Baron Rivendare, sure the Baron is a very devout Knight who has served me for many years. He stayed loyal after being killed and beheaded in Stratholme, and after ressurecting him he stayed ture to the cause after being killed in Naxaramaa after his promotion to leader of The four Horsemen. Now the reason for his firing is simple, he dosen't drop the mount enough. I mean look at it, I'm the freaking Lich King and I want that thing! A 1% drop rate my frozen butt!

 

 

 

 

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1. First off, I'd buy a space heater. I mean, seriously, have you ever LOOKED at my frozen throne? Why do you think I don't get out much? Ever think, maybe, I'm frozen TO it? Let's see how the Lich King rules without a numb hiney!

2. Infiltrate all my enemies' cities with fleshy undead. When election time comes around, have all my fleshy undead vote for Barak Obama. That's right, if even one of those nations votes him in, they'll all be financially ruined, causing a worldwide economic collapse. Nothing beats seeing the value of your enemy's plat depreciate faster than you can say Pauper nation. Plus, it will completely render their treasuries bankrupt, allowing them little funds to war against me.

3. As a personal favor to a dear, old, dwarven friend of mine, I would send assassins into Irongforge en masse. I would, however, not have a single dwarf killed. The purpose of this devious and demoralizing attack would be to shave every single dwarf's beard off in one night. Afterall, if the assassins could get their knifes to the dwarves' necks, they certainly could take a wee bit off their sleepy chins, too.

4. I've really been thinking now that it's about time I finished my book. I've titled it "My Life" with the subtitle that reads "10 Easy Steps to World Domination." It covers everything from accidentally finding an awesome sword to stabbing your friends in their backs, turning on your own country and my personal favorite chapter, "Releasing Zombie-Creating Chemical Agents Into Suburbia, Now with Extra Dead." The book was supposed to come out with the expansion, but, you know how publishers can be.

5. Lastly, but most certainly not least, may I introduce to the World(of Warcraft) my new, signature sport: Dragon Bungee-Jumping. I mean, even if you get bored, you can always add other elements to make it fun again. Fire, Ice, Acid, etc. Imagine the suprised look on your enemies face when they see you plummet out of the air, screaming "Wheeee!" and soaring back up into the sky. They'll be SO jealous.

 


[edited by: feralmind at 11:03 PM (GMT -6) on 16 Apr 2009]

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 Simply being the Lich King would mean holding the very world of Azeroth in an insidious choke hold. None could ever hope to challenge my phenomenal power! Nonetheless, resting my bum on an icy throne and looking menacing all day isn't going to take over the world and it gets very tiresome and boring after some time. Then again, why bother doing anything if I have thousands of mindless undead minions at my disposal.

 Firstly, I would construct the most convoluted instance imaginable and reside inside its secure walls. With inner looping paths that lead to nowhere and fun house mirrors made of ice scattered throughout, even the most hardened adventurer would lose his mind inside this labyrinth. I would have countless Murlocs patrol its icy corridors to ensure that any who dare wander through the front door will be annoyed to death by the ever haunting "MAGURGLE"!  If you dare to venture inside its frozen walls then the only way you will escape its chilling grasp is inside a body bag.

 My second act as the Lich King would be to stop hiring Death Knights. I swear every one of them quits and joins up with the Alliance or Horde because I don't offer dental insurance. Since when do Death Knights need dental coverage!? They're freaking undead and their teeth are rotten anyway! They say it prevents them from getting the ladies. You'd think the fact that most of them look like Count Chocula and keep a bunch of brainless zombies as company has something more to do with it. I go through all the trouble of forging countless Rune Blades, then infect each and every one of them with Vitiligo and that's the thanks I get!? Those walking Albinos are a liability.

 Thirdly, if I were to take over the world I would require a powerful army. Those pitiful zombies and spiders are only capable of feeding the Alliance and Horde, enabling them get to level 80 even quicker. I would once again do away with each and every one of them, just like I did with all those worthless Death Knights. In their place, I would hire one thousand Chinese gold farmers. Within days the entire economy of Azeroth will be mine! I will begin flooding banks and auction houses with this new found fortune until gold is worth next to nothing thanks to inflation. Let's see them buy their Tier 8 gear and Glyphs when they cost 15,000,000 in gold.

 For my fourth act of terror, I would create a creature so terrible and vile that simply starring at it would slow your performance rate down to 1 frame per second! This creature shall be twice as ugly as a Tauren Druid's cat form and twice as boring to fight as a Paladin. Its enormous amount of health and ability to fully heal itself will cause even the most seasoned "poop-socker" to simply give up and go to bed.

 For my fifth and final act of dismay, I shall craft an incredibly long and convoluted survey that every player is required to complete before canceling their monthly subscription. Like pouring salt into a gaping wound, players will be forced to suffer long after they've made the decision to surrender themselves to my icy will. This will be the final nail in the coffin that will seal the fate of Azeroth. I will take a sip from a cup of hot chocolate and laugh from the comfort of The Frozen throne as I watch the pitiful fools cry on the WoW forums, hoping that their blue saviors will resolve all their problems. Little do they know, that their saviors have been my agents of evil ever since I took up this icy throne, always diligent in creating class imbalances and annoying bugs.


[edited by: Sackolf_Knitler at 11:55 PM (GMT -6) on 16 Apr 2009]

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1) I would start raiding every starting zone in azeroth.

    From  durotar green and blue skinned freaks to those little noooobish gnomes, they deserve to be eaten alive by my hungry hungry ghouls and zombies while they are still lvl 1.

2) I would resurrect Uther as an undead and pwn him again and again and again............ ,just to affect enemy moral

    Hearing the screams of a dying hero isn't fun if the hero is the only hope of survival, it is duller if you are dying at the same time muahahahahaha.

3) I would fake a lich king un-fusion thing and kill then kill king Varian Wrynn when they allow me in stormwind (the same goes to thrall)

   Then I would apply the same as with lord Uther, I can even kill them and make a big undead with them all, then I would make them all dance at the same time......

4) A new plague can be useful

   But this time it will be different, it will make them go to an undead controlled zone, hand over their money and equipment and then kill their allies.

5) Finally I can summon Chuck Norris and ask him for a karate-asskicking-thing lesson, just to improve my kickass-ness with my kickas-sword

   Just in case a OP paladin wnats to kick my ass with their super indestructible bubble and their hearthstone of doom

 

And to ensure my survival i would use an xyz hack to get myself to a unreachable place and get in sthealth with 100 clones doing the same!

 

BTW Arthas RULEZ!


[edited by: Darkfirephoinix at 8:35 PM (GMT -6) on 18 Apr 2009]

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1) The first thing I would do is send my very best infiltrators to gain the trust of the leaders of each city and start influencing their decisions. Have them second guessing themselves and starting quarrels, allegations, accusations. Sow the seeds of distrust and apathy.

2) Second, I would have my minons reanimate the greatest forces on Azeroth. Kael'thas as a death knight, Vashj as a banshee. Every great mind who dared to threaten the "sanctity" of the mortal races, I would bring to my cause.

3) Third, I would send a small covert group to steal away Anduin Wynn. My loyal Cult of the Damned followers would take the young prince, wear him down, brainwash him and groom him to become the second greatest death knight the Scourge had ever seen. When he was ready, the world would curse the day his mother ever gave him life. The turning of the young prince would send King Wynn into despair and madness and steal the will of the Stormwind humans.

4) Fourth, I would take many reanimators down to Dragonblight and reanimate every drake and dragon that perished around Alexstrasza's grand temple. Their pitiful battles would swell my ranks and add to my massive wyrm army. I would plague and reanimate the Magnataur ... stupid brutes, but strong and easy to command.

5) Lastly, I would take my armies to the Eastern Kingdoms and send a legion through the dark portal to attack the demons there. Once the demons were shown who had the upper hand, I would close off the portal once more. With the demonic threat repressed, my vast Scourge army would sweep across the lands of Azeroth like locusts against a field of grain. Every living thing would fall and join my army. All life would end, and glorious undeath would be the price of their defiance.

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1) Firstly I would march on the blood elfs and convince them to join the ranks of the death knights including Kael'Thalas, then we would march to the Sunwell and fart in it to corrupt it to power the death knight armies.

2) Second, I would infiltrate the Alliance and Horde cities and convince there leaders to turn on eachother, spreading war through the lands and creating more souls for me to turn into death knights.

3) Third, I would resurect Chuck Norris and use him to kill the remainder of Aliance and Horde on Northrend.

4) Fourth, I would send Chuck Norris and my best warriors to overthrow Illidan, turn his slaves into death knights and take over Outland.

5) Finally using Chuck Norris' undefetable powers I would rip open this dimension and call forth millions of undead to assit me, we would then destroy all living being and rule Azeroth once and for all! I would be the Lord of Azeroth and Chuck Norris would be The guy who has no chin under his beard, only another fist guy.


[edited by: Lord_Xanatos at 12:21 PM (GMT -6) on 17 Apr 2009]

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Firstly id kill the ash bringer and give it to colonel sanders and order him to tell me his secret 11 herbs and spices or he can gurantee ill make a ghoul out of him.Secoundly id mount saphiron fly to ogrimar eat those jerks who think there cool that block the mail boxes and then do it my self / yelling beat this boys.Thirdly is creat a fuel that the mech hog uses that creates that much greenhouse gass that causes all the ice in northrend to melt causing devastating floods throughout azeroth.Fourth thing id do is give leeroy jenkins special powers so he actually kills the whelps and all thos fake techno remixers never exist but leeroy is not loved but feared as the greatest paladin to ever live.Last of all i'd give thrall and gina a little storie about the birds and the bees and let them know that the birds dont go with the bees. 

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The things I would do if I were the Lich King... hmm...

I would probably mount the head of every capitol city's leader on the entrance to the cities, for -all- to see how weak they really are.

Then I would kill as many people as I could in each city, with every death is another soldier. Eventualy I would pupulate every city with the Scourge and hold them all as large Forward bases, backed by giant, fleshy obominations and overly racy Nerubian Woman.

Side note; I would have to choose wisely about Thunder Bluff, I am too fond of Tuaren women to kill them all...

The Alliance would have to be the first side I would annihalate, and after I have the "New Alliance" I would bash my endless armies against the cities of the Horde, seeing as the Horde would be harder to take, noting they are better at just about everything compared to the Alliance. Then I would deal with the medlesome Ebon Blade and Argent Crusade. I would wait for an attack on my Stronghold then close the gates behind their tiny warband. With no were to run, and no place to hide, they would fall and die, one by one, watching as their friends turned over to my side in death.

After I have my Capitols, this means any remaining heroes would have no large bastion to hide in, no real homes anymore. The outer towns would fall under a wave of rotting, fighting corpses and the Heroes, Dis-banded and beaten, would find some tiny place to hold out and try to gather a resistance. And I would make a promise to one of their friends to make him my Death Knight champion so he could give up their position. After said position is given up, I would send my armies along with myself to head in and decimate their meager attempts to thwart my amazingness. And my new Death Knight friend would be sent on kind of SS terminator missions to whipe out any last heroes alive.... Then I would kill him to avoid the return of the Ebon Blade.

The world would be mine and fit to rule as the Undead legions now prepare for the ultimate test. The Burning Legion.

That is what I would do as the Lich King.

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1. First of all, i would abuse the new glitches of patch 3.1. and the new instance bosses resets. Id ninja every single player, so they would destroy ever single guild, whille they are all alone, id send some mad fans to the blizzard HQ, and slow down the blizzard police, and steal their famous BAN HAMMER. I would also whrite a script to my self, so that i could use Titan grips. 1 for my Frostmourne, 2 for BAN HAMMER. I would go out of my throne, to dalanar, and finally after so many god damn years, go on a solid beer.

2. After i would drink couple of them, i would hire some hores, but sadly, no 1 would like me since i am undead, and my armor is frozen on my skin, i would piss off, and go to stormwind since, they made me this. Id be killing people a bit, just cause death knights betrayed me :S So much for blizzard loyalty. Well id be bored by killing couple of billion humans, let some of them live to tell my story and go to harbor, and jump in water. Why? Cause i am so cold all the oceans would froze, and there would be 1 more, that Economy Crysis, cause no fishes.

3. I would go to Thunder Bluff, to get some nice beef out of juicy taurens, and some nice carpets. Also visit Undead, and make them alive, thats whorse thing they could get. And since i would be near to IF id visit crazy gnomes steal their HI-TECH, and trow nukes on Blood Elfs, they are fake race, also Dranei. Since my last traveling place are wierd standing orcs, id go visit them and give them winter, poor bastards live in hot area. 8( Well and go for a nice basketball match at Dalanar, elfs so damn tall, they dont even have to jump to dunk? After couple of matches id again kill some more, after all i should be evil?

4. Id return to my crown, with all the gifts from azeroth, and built it into WCSMFLG. World Center Shopping Mall For Little Girls.

5. Id stop the massive lagg on blizzard HQ. I am not that strong after all, u never know what others did whille i was away. Then i would make game 1 more amazing, and worth playing. Well, 2 bad that u cant use Hearth stone anymore, and some portals would wear tags, Under Repairs. Then i would drink beer, and watch little girls shop at my store. I used to be Arthas the nice once :D

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The Lich King sighed and twisted his neck a bit.  It crackled and he sighed:  heavy is the head that wears the frozen helm.  A couple of icicles fell off and splintered onto the cast metal death’s-heads that adorned his equally creaky knees.  He thought idly, I really must get that armorer to make me a yeti fur-lined set next time … I’m developing a case of arthas-ritis.  He chuckled at himself mirthlessly.

 

Might as well get organized while I wait, he decided.  They were coming, without a doubt, by the thousands, the millions even.  They all wanted him dead.  He could hardly blame them, in a way, but the irony was, most of them didn’t care much about the death and destruction he had wrought on the land and its hapless citizens, the undead and the plagues he had loosed, the beautiful landscapes turned to barren frozen wastelands seething with ghastly diseased abominations.  They didn’t even necessarily care what happened to him personally after the battle.  Nah.  In the end, it was all about the loot. They wanted his armor, plain and simple. 

 

What they didn’t know, couldn’t know, was that he would have been happy to give it to them.  It was damned uncomfortable, heavy, cold and not particularly in fashion.  Seriously.  He’d read the latest issue of The Lich Bitch:  the locomotive cowcatcher look was passé.  And it chafed.  He’d developed a long-term rash as a result of months of wearing that get-up, and no amount of viscous oil seemed to relieve it.  But he had an image to maintain.  He was The Lich King, after all, and people expected him to look imposing.  And he had to admit, the armor set, though hideous, really did look pretty scary.  Scary was good, especially when he was anticipating having to fight large groups of enemies already armed to the teeth and fired up with a potent combination of zealotry, greed and boredom.

 

Ah well.  He fumbled in the pocket of his armor for his Happy Hare notepad and pen.  Plate with pockets?  It was a custom job, and to get what he wanted, he‘d had to withhold beer from the armorsmith, drunken little Ironforge dwarven freak that he was.  By the third day of  abstinence, the otherwise reluctant blacksmith broke down into inconsolable sobbing, and in exchange for a pint, eventually agreed to craft a custom suit of armor to Arthas’ exacting specifications.  Pockets.  Cool-looking skulls on every available surface.  Metal pants with a quick-release lever … he still lusted after Mother Shiraz, but that was so far away, so long ago … still, a guy could hope.  It paid to be prepared.

 

He found his notebook and pulled it out.  He liked Happy Hare’s attitude, and anyway, the Happy Hare pen was the only one he’d found that would write in subzero temperatures.  He flipped open the pale pink cover, which displayed Happy Hare smiling, saying in a friendly sort of way, “Screw you.” 

 

He found his list on page eight.  “To-Do List: Top Five.”

 

  1. Take Mr. Bigglesworth to the vet for deworming.  He’s been hanging out in the Plague Quarter again.
  2. Get the Flame Leviathan to the mechanical wash on Saturday.  For some reason, it’s always covered with oil.  Yech.
  3. Send Curator a “thinking of you” card.  The menagerie doesn’t get many guests these days, I hear he’s considering filing Chapter 13.
  4. Deal with my boy, Kel’Thuzad.  Get the dude some pants, or at least a different dress without slits up to “there”.  If he had legs, it would be so, so wrong.  KT, wtf is up with that?
  5. Prepare my secret weapon for demoralizing the Alliance.  The Horde, they’re a tougher bunch, we’ll get to them later.  No, we’ll start with the weakest race, the humans, and upon their doomed and miserable psyches I will unleashed my cruelest, most maddening weapon of all!  Little do they know that my most maddening creation has been living amongst them these many years.  Already he has driven the Alliance to near-suicidal rage.  Time to take it up a notch.

 

Arthas sighed with satisfaction, indulged himself with a wicked chortle, and slipped the pen and notebook back into his pocket.  He motioned to a minion, a greenish dripping abomination in serious need of a tummy tuck, and bellowed, “Bring me … Topper McNabb!”

 

 

 

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  1. Find out how to harness the power of Jaina Proudmoore, having noticed that no matter who's fighting she can somehow step in and put a stop to it.  If I can harness her, I can have ALL THE POWER IN THE ... world... wait, didn't I date her?
  2. Steal all the bunnies and manifest them into a force to be reckoned with, make them my NEW Undead army, because no one can resist the allure of cute, fluffy bunnies.  Especially if they explode into man-eating goo.
  3. Find out a way to take off his helmet, because I'm thinking if I take it off, my face probably looks pretty wickedly badass now, all covered in maggots or something maybe, some bone showing.  You know, something like that... but sadly its been stuck to my head since I fell into that lake and it got frozen on...
  4. ????
  5. Profit Realise that deep beneath it all I'm a big fluffy bunny and if I don't stop my evil ways Blizzard's going to allow the whole of the World of Warcraft game into my stronghold to bring me down in some kind of lore-breaking raid-instance that will leave me dead and then who will terrorise the public, huh? Who will we have then? No one, that's who... :|
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Well if I forged with Ner'Zhul and became The Lich King first off I'd petition for a name change to "The Lich God" just so that The Old God's would know who's boss. Of course the Old God's would still be deemd more powerful than me, but what the hell will C'thun say when I kick sand in his eye? "You're friends will betray you..."? No, he won't because before he can open up a mouth I'd shove my Frostmourne right on top of that sand. With that note, I must put on hand I would loot him.

 

For my second act of awesomeness, I would challenge Saurfang to a battle of ultimate-ocity of blood and gore of CHESS IN THE MIDDLE OF KARAZHAN! Who would win? Well neither of us, because that jackass Medivh would "cheat" and come out of nowhere and pwn us both. So then me and Saurfang would be resorted to playing checkers on the roof trying to stand Prince Malchazaar yelling "YOU FACE NOT MALCHAZAAR ALONE! BUT THE LEGIONS I COMMAND!" Then I'd take my Frostmourne and shove it in C'thun's eye again, then I'd shove it in Prince Malchazaars eye.

 

THIRD, which has to be in all caps, I would go to The Frozen Throne and then sit on it. When I am sitting on The Frozen Throne, I will take out a laptop and start playing The Frozen Throne while sitting on The Frozen Throne then play some DoTa. Then as I'm sitting on The Frozen Throne playing The Frozen Throne while playing DoTa I would then shove my Frosmourne in C'thuns eye again. After I am done shoving my Frostmourne in C'thuns eye for the 3rd time, I would go back to playing DoTa within this game of DoTa all I would be doing is spamming the chat with "I'm The Lich King, I spam whenever I want, I don't give a f**k, SPAM!"

 

For number four I would go to The Dark Portal, then steal it, you may be wondering why I would steal it, but the reason is simple, it's the ultimate flat screen TV that is going on my wall. While I am watching The Dark Portal and whatever is on it, I would then jump into it, within The Dark Portal Live I would find Illidan, res him, kill him loot him, and repeat. Also while I am one man raiding Black Temple I would do Sunwell at the same exact time. I'll shove Kil'Jaeden back into that giant toilet where he belongs. Don't forget about me shoving my Frostmourne into C'thun's eye in the middle of all this.

 

FIFTHICLES, yes that is a word, I would then go to Darkshore and remove that sword from the Old God theres head. After so his done he will awaken, then I will shove my Frostmourne into  C'thun's eye. After I am done eye shoving with C'thun I would shove my Frostmourne right into the Dark Shore Old God's skull. He will then be like "Wtf mayne, wut I eva do." Then I will be like "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" After those words are said jets will come out my feet and I will fly away. This is exactly what I would do if I forged with Ner'zhul.

DISCLAIMER: This is not a disclaimer, but if you have any problems understanding any of this mumble jumble then please feel free to think deeply about it upon reading it. Thank you for you patients and well understanding that this story has nothing to do with a dancing taco of magicalness.


[edited by: Carousdeath at 4:05 PM (GMT -6) on 19 Apr 2009]

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1. I would Reanimate ALL dead bodies and have them destroy towns one at a time and reanimating until i rule the world.

2 I then would raise a horde of dragonkin and rude into battle and kill barney and the teletubbies (YUCK).

3 I would then all by myself seek out all the annoying kids,spammers, and especially the gold farmers!!!.

4 I would enslave alliance and make them defend me.

5 I would use the dead alliance's skulls for decor.

6 I then would play online games until my hands bleed.

7 Then when i get bored i will have the umtimate battle in the middle of ZG and i will come in on Saphirron and pwn their heads in with frostmourne and use there bodies to feed my worgs.

This is what i would do if i became the world's greatest Pwner..THE LICH KING!!!!

 


[edited by: teamx1 at 10:55 AM (GMT -6) on 19 Apr 2009]

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If I was the Lich King

 If I was the Lich King, first thing I would do is establish a network of intelligent spies.  Their orders would be to fill me in on the hierarchy of my enemies, so that I may learn who is worthwhile to watch.  Examine the resources my enemies have, in order to evaluate where and when to strike.  Judge the strengths of the most powerful guilds in order to see how many groups I need to contend with.  Reducing general morale will also be a primary role.  Lastly, they are to find who is unhappy with their affiliation, so that I may find converts among the enemy.

 My next step would be to infiltrate the most powerful guilds.  The infiltrators would be in charge of sowing dissension in the ranks.  Trying to get the guilds to break apart into more manageable pieces.  They would have to do this without seeming to be the ones pulling the strings.  By corrupting others in the group, those corrupted will be the ones to ferment jealously, hate, and fear.  For this task, the spies would have to be different from the undead at my command.  Each race would have it's spies.  There would be no discrimination based on race, sex, or looks.  The more diverse the spy, the better the chance of infiltration.

 I would then train assassins for my next move.  Their targets would not be guild leaders, for we don't want martyrs, but officers.  These deaths would be made to look like anything but on purpose.  Accidental deaths will help in this.  Making officers disappear, then making a look a like join a guild that is enemies with the previous one will sow more dissension.  Converting officers would be ideal, but those that the spies were unable to deal with will need special attention.  Even blackmail to cause officers to leave a guild will dishearten enemies.

 Toughen the weaker of my own forces.  My enemies get more powerful by destroying my forces.  It seems that they like to face my officers one at a time.  Instead of doing the obvious, and pairing them up, put them in teams of five.  The enemy likes to make teams of five.  If they had to constantly fight large groups of my most powerful officers, then they would fall.  It's only when they outnumber my officers, that I lose people.  Further, find a way to strengthen the normal aggressive animals.  Take the animals where my enemies trains new warriors, enhance the animals, then release them back to the areas with the new warriors. 

 Lastly, subvert the arena.  Many small groups of warriors get their best training through areas where they battle.  If the judges can be subverted, then the rules will become harsher.  Try to make it so that the weaker ones win more then the better ones.  Promote winners who use strategies that don't work on my own minions to win.  This will downplay strategies that have a better chance of defeating my own forces.  If possible, promote strategies that defeat my demon enemies as well.  For after I am done with the Alliance and Horde, the demons will be my last threat.

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t is all to clear that the Lick King is the most hated persona in Azeroth history, but his power is far more potent the many know, If I as a person could hold the power that Arthas has and BE him, the fist thing i should do, NO, MUST do! I would ensure no one would stand in my way, but perhaps find a good way to wash my hands of all the horror and pain that i had caused, send a global message that I Arthas Menethil/Ner'Zul would like to atone for what i have done i want peace, and be at peace with every one.If that would fail I would directly speak to the alliance, or the horde and promise to help them destroy and enslave the other faction. In my mind i think the Horde may want to take my offer, because they are the ones who suffered the least from what I the "Lick King" have done, but perhaps they may not, The Forsaken would against it very much, so would the blood elves, Thrall would not trust me very much that is for sure.

So i would try to use the tactic employed by Kil'Jaden to have all the factions fight each other and get the ones who hunger for power to join me, bringing them to my ranks.

If all else fails I would make a escape plan, but I do not think Arthas would do that sort of thing he would just destroy every one become the king over all the world of the dead that he would create, but I would flee and make a new begining for my self, maybe in Outland, i would over take the Black temple with all my most stongest minions, and rule over Outland, as a God good or bad, but seal off Outland and keep it for my self.

I would then make Nagrad my "Special" place, for meditation and other activities I enjoy and ofc build a huge monument to my self.

Other management plans would be:

A. Give a ultimatum to Shatheras for their surrender for the benefit of a small autonomy.

B.Make all the peoples of Outland willing slaves to my will.

C.Rebuild Void Reaver and make it my personal land rover, demolish and build what ever i wanted.

D.Turn the sewers or what you call em in Zangarmarsh into a training ground for a special minion.

But ofc make my self a giant dragon alive, and turn it into my personal serf,and use it to rule my new land for all time.

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1. Being infamous has good advantages especially more so as Lich King. Telepathically sent undead minions to put posters at every inn to summon the heroes to come at my doorstep. Save the hassle of hunting them to convert them into undead.

2. Spreading plague is skill and effort. A full plaguelogy needed to fuel and sustain. Hence all minions should take routine baths in the diseased pools to strengthen their power.

3. Hire more instructors. Having Razuvious is not enough. To build more effective armies, more undead should rise and train become worthy death knights.

4. Parades. Swing the mighty Frostmourne in front of all minions to show who is the boss. It's good that as Lich King, I can telepathetically talk to all of my servants, saves the need to setup loudspeakers.

5. Issue a challenge to Kil'jaeden that his days are numbered. That's how the climb to the top is all about.

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(1)To begin, after my five year nap (fusing with Ner'zhul takes the wind out of you) I'd bring myself up to date on the changes to the world. I'd utilize the Cult of the Damned as a scouting network and bring back information from around the world on this New Horde, Varian's disappearance and return, Jaina's growth into a capable leader, Illidan's demise, and the all-important reignition of the Sunwell. Having a knowledge of these events and my enemies' changes would be an important key to the sucess of my other plans.

(2)Following that, I'd hold a council of the liches risen in my service to both take stock of those who have avoided being destroyed and make sure that their plans are towards the same ends. (3)I would direct them to sow unrest through the armies of my enemies via constant fear-inducing attacks. The undead need not sleep, so constant midnight raids of ghouls and abominations on the colonies of the Alliance and Horde would be one of the many things I would direct my liches to carry out.

(4)In order to combat Tirion's cleansing of the Ashbringer and the defection of Darion's Death Knights, I would order my necromancers to scour the Western Plaugelands for the remains of Taelen Fordring. The resurrection of Tirion's son as a Death Knight would not only be a blow to the paladin's heart, but to his resolve. In order to prevent the redemption of Taelen I would steep him in the attrocities of the Scourge, having him lead my armies in the slaughter of Crusaders before finally setting him against his father.


(5)My final effort, which would be a little selfish, would be to find those of my vast undead legions who still had the mental capacity and dexterity to perform musically. After discovering those servants of mine and arming them with bass, drums, and guitar, I would challenge my former ggroup, L80ETC, to a winner-take-all battle of the bands to take place in the Courthyard of Bones. How dare they replace me with some dirty Blood Elf!

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If I were the Lich King.....play Wayne's World(C) flash back sound here...

The first thing I would do would be to call a meeting of all my major minions (aka bosses from instances).  After I smack each of them in the back of the head and call it wall to wall counseling, I would start giving them some hints to stop getting killed every fricking week!  First, just because one guy stands in front of you calling you names and taunting you with your momma jokes, IGNORE him....kill the face rolling warlock that's actually killing you.  Sticks and stones DO break your bones, but words REALLY DON'T hurt you!  It would probably also be helpful for them if they all weren't so anal about things.  C'mon Sapphiron, do you REALLY have to fly up into the air EVERY 45 SECONDS?!?! /facepalm

The second thing I would do?  That's pretty tough to think about what's #2 on my list.  I really like gardens, but we all know some meddling horde or alliance would come tramping through it trying to get my sword without any thought to how much work I put into it.  It's just not right that I slave all day long on my days off, tilling the soil, fertilizing it, and... uhmm, sorry.  I didn't mean to digress.  What was I saying?  Oh yeah, the second thing I would do.  I think I would move to a more warmer climate.  All this melting snow is playing hell with my plate armor.  EVERY single time I drop it off at the cleaners, that damn guy keeps telling me that Time is money friend.

The third thing I would do is take Frostmourne and plunge it deep into a rock.  I would then make it so that only the rightful king could pull it out.  Actually, that's a bad idea.  Some kid might come along and find it and end up pulling it out and hurt themselves.  I guess instead of that, I'll hide deep inside of a keep somewhere and put a bunch of new major minions in front of myself.  Hopefully these idiots won't be as anal as the other idiots I had to "counsel" earlier.  It's so hard to find good help these days!  I just get this feeling that this will end up bad though.

The fourth thing is pretty easy to think about.  I'd jump on the back of Sindragosa and buzz the tower!  I'm such a maverick that way ya know?  But, uhm.... can someone help me find the tower?  Some guy keeps telling me the pattern is full, but not where to go.  :(

Finally, I'd find the most powerful adversary in the world to fight for me.  The forum troll!  What's better than someone who's always right, knows more than anyone else, and best of all... even if you win an arguement with them, you still end up looking like a looser!

That's all I can think of for now.  I gotta go drop this armor set off at the cleaners again.  /sigh

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I sit and study the odd letter i got from a goblin. It seems to be a contest notification, delayed by my laziness in checking my mail. "Hmmm. What would I do if I, and not Arthas, had become the Lich King..." I sit and begin to write.

"First things first. I would check the duration on the spells that were woven into the plague. The forsaken are a threat, as they hate me for having control of the undead, and hate the living for existing. I would want to improve the control length, until those enslaved were so used to me they they wouldn't notice freedom and would stay from expectation of that being life as they know it. i'd also be sure they get better... unliving... conditions. Happy workers are more productive workers, after all.

"Second. Assuming the timeline stays the same... WHY would i wait years to infiltrate and subvert the kingdoms and lands of Kalimdor, when i can raise the dead? There's graves all over from the wars. I would build my army as I go, not hide for years, THEN drop on them. I would make my presence known... but as a benign influence in the untamed north. Speaking of which... Space Heaters. I'm raising scourge, not icecubes.

"Third. Always start with subversion. Open trade, train my corpses to play nice with others, and act the part of servants, and traders, etc. Get people used to seeing the newly dead working and seeming safe, then invite the other leaders to a feast or something. make it a three day one. First day, normal, fun, songs, ale, dancing. Second day, same thing, Third day, infect the others with the plague, and send them home in my control. I mean, make sure they look normal, maybe contacts to hide the faint blue glow. Claim it's a spice after effect! Either way, send them back in my control, to indoctrinate their peoples to accept mine as normal.

"Fourth. Death knights. Watching Arthas, he made a big mistake there. Lies are BAD. If you lie to someone, and they find out, they always get pissy. Stick to the truths. It takes longer, but find out their darkest secrets, find out who they love. Make threats, persuade, but always be honest, so when the control is broken by a lapse in judgment and a paladin who should have died years ago... they still choose to serve, rather than lose what matters. Also, make a note to tie their power directly to myself, rather than having it tied to the runes. Then if they leve, they're stuck with mostly dead bodies lacking the runepowers. Never give your enemy your best weapon.

"Fifth. Get a better interior decorator. Public Image matters! I mean look at Zorqua. He is an imp, but he's got a website, an email, and all kinda of fancy duds. We've got to make the scourge look better. they're not mindless zombies, well ok, most of them are... but that's my point. Make it look like something you WANT. Make it look so good that children tested for the plague cry at coming up clean. Seriously, if we cleaned up the messes, and the public image, made better living conditions, and such... you're alive-ish. No more death, usually no pain. What's not to like? Ah well.

So. that's what I would do, if I had become the Lich King, and not the blond guy, Arthas. I mean, seriously. look how hes botched it up. Everyone wants to kill him. I'd have started so much differently... tis better to be loved and take over the world, then screw up and have the world want to kill you."

Smiling I fold the letter and send it back to the contest owners. I idly wonder whose ideas will win, and what others will think of. I suppose it's time to start subscribing to regular mailings that let me read more of these things.


[edited by: Spennig at 10:27 AM (GMT -6) on 20 Apr 2009]

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If I were the Lich King, the top five things on my priority list would be as follows. Firstly and foremost, I'd look into hiering a better armorsmith, Tier 8 is looking pretty badass, and, honestly, the guy I've got working making my gear isn't gonna cut it if Tier 9 is going to be the coolest thing end-game. Oh and let's not forget the set bonuses and game mechanics I'd have to consider, honestly, the number crunching is mind boggling! Death Knights are so OP, QQ, yeah whatever, of course they're over powered, I'd have MADE THEM. Honestly. Pfft. 

Oh! Seondly, I'd have to consider my motive, this whole, ending the world thing is getting a little old. Illidan did it, C'Thun did it when we woke him, Onyxia and Deathwing were doing it (In more ways than one?)-- Honestly, I'd want a cooler motive then "LOOK GUYS! I'M GOING TO END THE WORLD NOW K BYE!" Drama queen much? Seriously. Maybe something about the horrible injustice done to me when I was only a Prince. Oooo or maybe something with that blondie, you know her, that Proudmoore girl? What's so Proud about that snooty-snot-nosed-- I digress. Anyway. Yes. Evil villany is cool, but it's ONLY cool when it's got a good reason.

Mmm, thirdly I'd make my harem. If Illidan can have his possy when he's a giant warglaive wilding mo-fo where the fel are mine?! I'm an attractive KING, come on, who can deny the heritage, sleek sexy armor-- ignore the spikes they're for the baddassery in bed. Deliciously evil mastermind seeks several young and attractive women to dote on his every needs, please have hair dye and wrinkle removing secrets. PST. Did I turn my diabolical mastermind plan into a personals add again? Fel-damnit!

Alright, think think. Fourthly, I think I'd crush King Wrynn into my soup. Honestly, don't you think that huge square jaw bone would make a great center piece of the table? And the story would be something to really bounce baby Jimmy on your knee to? Oh yes. Pompous, arrogant, know it all, why my Kingdom is twice as Awesome. That's like-- that's like INFINITY times Jania's little ditch hole Theramore. Who goes there anyway? Oh right, the Alliiance with their little raids on Ogrimarr. PFFFT. King Wrynn! I WILL CRUSH YOU!

Oh yes, right, a fifth thing to do. A Fifth thing. This-- this is tricky. Who really needs anything beyond that? Tier 9, check. Awesome motive, check. Harem, check. CRUSH KING WRYNN, Che--DOUBLE Check! What more could an evil mastermind possibly want? What more could I---... Is that a World of Warcraft book-- ALL about me? Really? And what's that? Curse.com is giving it away? Well then! I know what I would do fifth! I would take my massive scourge army, break your internet and steal your book-- afterall, what's a good mastermind withoug being a narcissist?

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What would I do if I were the Lich King to prevent those 12m ppl owning me?

Firstly, I would mind control some of the WoW population (Lich Kings can... it is true!), preferably bubblers. Then I would hold a grand PvP tournament (Waw! Would you look at that, just like the Argent Crusade is building, isn`t this strange?) so that the players are too busy owning each other instead of hunting me down.

Secondly, I would go to Ulduar and enslave Yogg-Saron. This will grant me immense assistance in the struggle. I wonder – how would he look like as undead.

Thirdly, I would hack into the beta-patch of my release and remove all achievements/epics associated with me. In addition I will make Hogger a world boss.

Fourthly, I would steal Jaina from Thrall and will complete the achievement “Sweet love on the Glacier”.

And fifth – I would hack into this contest trough the Curse client and make Azzuris win the book.

Simple, yet effective.

 


[edited by: Azzuris at 11:42 AM (GMT -6) on 20 Apr 2009]

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1. Weekly snowman building contests.

2. Implement fast food franchise throughout Northrend: The Burger Lich King

3. Runeforges will be replaced with floral arrangements.

4. Make-up with the scourge, (So we can play Secret Santa come the holidays)

5. All frost wyrms must wear tuxedos.

For far too long Northrend has been the cold, drab, lifeless continent in Azeroth. By implementing weekly snowman building contests, all who level in Northrend get to experience the most fun you can have with snow, building a snowman. Obviously.

Also, The Burger Lich King restaurant franchise will setup eating establishments all over Northrend. Instead of hunting down mages and asking them to conjure food and water, why not stop in to try a Frostmourne frosty or a burger wrapped in death coil-aluminum foil?

Such a cold drab place needs more flora. No need for runeforging, every weapon now will have flowers, and when enemies are slain, daises sprout from their corpses making Northrend the new place for picnics.

The Sylvanas/Lich King argument has gone on too long. If I were The Lich King, I would send her a "Sorry-I-Murdered-You" card as well as a get well soon (I'm sure being undead isn't pleasant). After we make up, group activities such as water balloon fights and tug of war will replace countless hours fighting.

And one final thing. Frost wyrms. They're too primitive. No clothes? Really? We need to make Northrend the classiest continent. This is why all frost wyrms will now be equipped with a tuxedo, top hat, and an optional cane.

As you can see, by implementing these many rules as The Lich King, I could turn the drab cold continent of Northrend into where the party's at.

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Step 1: Get a new wardrobe. Spikey plate is SO last expansion. I'm thinking something in a nice fur-lined robe, maybe a matching crown that doesn't look like it could impale a man if I bow properly. It's all about image, and given my personal plan, I'm inclined to think the spikes are out and a much softer, friendlier Lich King is in. Frostmourne can stay; it's a good accessory with everything. Plus it sucks souls, which is a bonus. Hard for someone to contradict you when they're a zombie. Put the whole army of the dead thing to rest - at least for now. Liquidate holdings in Icecrown for step 2.

Step 2: Hire a PR guy. A really good one. Rebrand the whole Lich King image. Start a subtle campaign of general niceness. March - as a diplomatic envoy - towards Stormwind. Lay down arms and repent. Show I'm not a bad guy by <strike>kicking</strike> kissing babies and petting puppies. Beg and plead for a chance to show how cool I am. Donate insane amounts of time and effort to general social betterment. Show the orphans love. Upgrade the church. Get the people on my side. Spread rumors of general nastiness and unreliability of their current leadership.

Step 3: Arm the newly-founded underground revolution through a series of small companies and trust funds from different cities - none traceable to me, of course - and start some proper uprisings. Mayhem, murder and fun. Maintain a public face of sorrow and dismay at the coordinated attacks/monster attacks on settlements (which will also be done, of course, and none of them will be undead) and offer aid to those who are suffering. Never, ever be upstaged by the local law. Hamstring their work at relief whenever necessary.

Step 4: ?????

Step 5: Profit! By which I mean stage a complete takeover of all Alliance capitals simultaneously via a combination of subtle political manipulations and fantastic branding. I will be voted in by the sword as the people themselves overthrow their leaders and install me as their grand overlord. Then, of course, I march on the Outland, because it'd be easier to take than Horde forts. Plus, Naaru.

From there, I reawaken the army and add new people to it via those who died in various attacks, and SQUASH ALL OPPOSITION!

And then, I'll get a nice salami sandwich.

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 I Arthas, The ruler of all of Lands far and near now proclaim a new holiday!!!!

 It is hereby stated, that upon midnight on the thirty first day of October "All Worlds Peace week" will be celebrated.

"ILLIDAN..... get yer scaly no good tail in here NOW!!!! (I should have dumped this blind,dumb ... long ago). Yess, yyayyess... King Arthas, how may I serve you? "Ilidan, I want you to scroll my newest proclamation into five scrolls with each having a floating, instant message delivery. Try to make good use of your powers and get five made NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!" ohhhhkkkkk Sir, right away sir.

(if I only had half my powers, that albino-lookin, pale... would be toast) Illidan worked dilligently through the night enscribing Five animated, and perfectly functioning scrolls with Arthas's personal message inside of them.

"Now that my scrolls are almost finished, I need to get the rest of my details in order". King Arthas, since joining forces with the worlds most powerful shaman was well on his way to throwing the most extrvagant party ever witnessed since the beginning of mankind. Ner'zhul:the most poweful shaman that ever lived, was now concealed inside the being who now stands as "Arthas the Frozen lich King". King Arthas now channeled every spell and power known in the existance of magic.

"ILLIDAN!!!!" Where are my scrolls??

("this guy has the patience of two mice tangling in a wool sock") Comminggg sir, just finsihed my lord. "Illidan, make the scrools ready for morning. I will deliver them myself!!!

The second thing Arthas did in his preparations was made 5 exact images of himself. His identical, fully functional clones would do his dirty work, while he stayed hidden safely away in his frozen hideaway. King Arthas third task was to cast a spell on every one of his delivery scrolls to allow him sight of every named reciever of his new message.

 "ok, now for a place to host this partry of parties!, ahhh yess!! Ungoro Crater", King Arthas smiled widely, a perfect location for all to come. King Arthas immediatly teleported himself to the biggest hole in the ground he could think of. "This should do just fine", he said to himself. Arthas snapped his fingers and five thousand cloaked bards appeared upon the tar pits. King Arthas called upon his trusted Bard leader Smoodle. "Smoodle, I need you and your men to build me an arena of gold and lace'. (lace? what is this guy nuts?? lace he says, what a freakin dummy) "Yess My lord, right away sir"

It would only be a few weeks and his new arena would be completely finished, Arthas cast a spell of invisibility upon the tar pits and only the bards could see any signs of his elaborate project. King Arthas transformed himself into a black and gold Raven, as he flew into the night he dropped one of his orbs into a courier's deposit for the kings of Stormwind, Ironforge, Mekkatorque the king of gnomes, High Priestess Tyrande Whisperwind, and last but not least Thrall leader of the horde.

As the weeks flew by, The King Arthas arena was fully constructed,and ready to host the grandest ball of all. The fifth and final step is to confirm who will be be attending. King Arthas dressed all five of his exact images of himself into a jester's costume, and teleported each one to his invited guest's visiter lobby. He watched excitedly as all the invited guest's replied yes, and all would be in attendance.

October thirty first had finally come, King Arthas dressed in a baby blue robe, decended down into his fully packed arena, King Wrynn and Thrall were arm wrestling in the gardens, King Bronzebeard was teaching a few young horde children how to throw a powerful axe. Mekkatorque was playing tag with the young nightelves, and Holy-Hell, Lady Jaina Proudmore was the main attraction. She was the prized beauty who was gettin completely soaked in the dunk a croc wrestling contest. Arthas froze, what a body!!!

It was King Arthas,s turn, on the fastest catapult firing contest, as he stepped up onto the platform, he slipped and fell off the decking.

THUDDDD, what the hell? Arthas hit his head as he landed with a powerful crash. He slowly stepped up off the floor, "what the hell kind of dream was that? " he said to himself, me? throw a party? HAHAHAHAHAHA

 

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1. I would plant a tree, which shall be grown in the shadow of The World Tree. This tree will then start to wear socks, thus becoming the most popular tree of all time.

 

2. I'd most deffinetly start to eat my veggies, gnomes that is.

 

3. I'd then take the Deeprun Tram, because I want to see the look on everybody' face when the Alliance can see that I aren't technologically impaired..

 

4. The tree I planted has now grown into full size. It is now able to command a vastly superior army than mine. I would then eat the tree, because I don't want to be the underdog. However, Greenpeace finds out about this, so I eat them too.

 

5. I call Loken and I start to cry because Frostmourne is broken. The I.W.I.N button is missing, and the blade has snapped. All this made Ner'zhul greatly unhappy. Ner'zhul calls Walmart, but the customersupport is horrendous. We all start to cry which creates an evil Deluge. Everybody dies, but a cockroach which hid inside an instance. This cockroach was later known as the paladin Athene.


[edited by: treekodar at 10:52 AM (GMT -6) on 21 Apr 2009]

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Well first i would begin by fortifying icecrown a bit more, hell arthas people are camping outside your door, LETS CLEANUP!!!

Second i would start my attacks on Dalaran with my frostwyrms, dalaran is to close for comfort imo.

Third i would begin raising more undead with the eastern kings and kalimdor respectivly and get the Alliances attention on them and not on my Citidal.

Forth i would begin anew with my plague, my last attack with the plague failed for the msot part, i would take a page from the forsaken and use their blight against the attackers in northrend!

Finally fifth........ I WIL MAKE A MONTAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAIL TO THE KING BABY!!!!!!!!!

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1) First things first, If *I* was the lich king, the first thing I would do, RAISE THE MIGHTY ARMY OF BACON, A LONG LOST CIVILIZATION FROM DEEP UNDERGROUND! WITH IT'S GREASY PROWESS, NOTHING COULD STAND IN MY WAY! BWAH HHA HA--*cough* Ahem! Yea uh, anyways...

2) With the ability to raise undead, why wouldn't I kill all the Penguins in northrend, and raise them as miniature, cute warriors! How could anyone blast the little buggers that are trying to gnaw your feet off! :3

3) Okay, yea Arthas is a bum. Too lazy to do his own crap or get his act together. First of all, I'd just grab Kelthuzad, Anubarak, and every other scourge champion at northrend, and bumrush dalaran. Most of dalaran is too busy fishing in gutters or waiting for portals to open. Easy target.

4) I would masquerade around as Chuck Norris.

5) If all else fails, I will set up a nice little store in the corner of the Dalaran market, maybe sell lemonade or...mints and crap. I would just be known as "the retired evil guy". Gotta make a living somehow y'know *shrug*

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1: Fling the Cates of Icecrown Wide open. When the server Chashes from 12 million players flocking over, leave and set up shop in stormwind.

2: Get a better throne. I mean, A chuck of ice? Honestly?

3: Decimate the barrens and Raise Mankirk's wife as a raid boss.

4: Give my main a Frostwyrm Mount.

5: Drop a Giant Death and Decay over Dalaran, so I can walk through it lag-free for awhile.

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Contest over! I'll be pming the winners for more details and make an official post on this in the next few days! Thanks everyone!

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